How should I start? In a short period of time, many things happened. Some were good and some were bad, some were sweet some were pieces of shit. (that rhymed. hahaha)
Been through many trials and troubles that always have made me fall short of God's glory. Always ending up in whole buckets of tears falling from my eyes, and just breaking down and really question Him. In some other time, scolding Him even... begging Him for an answer, but...
no answer...
But for the past few weeks, I realized, out of my stupid and ignorant head of mine. I found out His answers were always there right in front of me... I was just too blind and lost to see it.
Despite all that I've done and I cursed God, He was still there for me... Looking over me... Guiding me... Giving me strength... and sometimes even purposely slamming me into something bad so that I learn... :-) All was for me...
HE BLESSED ME WITH "THIS".
The answer was ''this''.
And I could not believe that it was there all along. hahaha
He showed me His love with ''this''.
These days, it is hard for me to pray one particular sentence,
"Your will be done Lord but not mine or anyone's."
Cause, God's will is and have been always a mystery to me. Something that is and also have always been good for me. So why is it so hard? That I can tell God, I won't do anything about ''this'' and only commit all onto your hands, laying all before Your feet...
Because my biggest fear is that what I love, is not His will at all... It scares me, and I tremble when I pray that His will be done in my life. But what I gotta do now, is just talk to Him day and night about this and hope He guides me through on ''this''. :-) I really love ''this''. It brings me so much joy and hope and most importantly it reminds me of God. :-)
Off to talking to my Daddy God now. hahaha I feel so sissy, but He's my Father and God. haha Ciaoz!! :-)
Been through many trials and troubles that always have made me fall short of God's glory. Always ending up in whole buckets of tears falling from my eyes, and just breaking down and really question Him. In some other time, scolding Him even... begging Him for an answer, but...
no answer...
But for the past few weeks, I realized, out of my stupid and ignorant head of mine. I found out His answers were always there right in front of me... I was just too blind and lost to see it.
Despite all that I've done and I cursed God, He was still there for me... Looking over me... Guiding me... Giving me strength... and sometimes even purposely slamming me into something bad so that I learn... :-) All was for me...
HE BLESSED ME WITH "THIS".
The answer was ''this''.
And I could not believe that it was there all along. hahaha
He showed me His love with ''this''.
These days, it is hard for me to pray one particular sentence,
"Your will be done Lord but not mine or anyone's."
Cause, God's will is and have been always a mystery to me. Something that is and also have always been good for me. So why is it so hard? That I can tell God, I won't do anything about ''this'' and only commit all onto your hands, laying all before Your feet...
Because my biggest fear is that what I love, is not His will at all... It scares me, and I tremble when I pray that His will be done in my life. But what I gotta do now, is just talk to Him day and night about this and hope He guides me through on ''this''. :-) I really love ''this''. It brings me so much joy and hope and most importantly it reminds me of God. :-)
Off to talking to my Daddy God now. hahaha I feel so sissy, but He's my Father and God. haha Ciaoz!! :-)
Only His,
Jen Ruw
Jen Ruw
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